CHANGING MINDS - HOW I GOT HERE

I t was over a decade I started my change journey and I've come so far and yet so far still go. One thing I've learned is there is no end destination.

Life is movement and change is one constant in life.

  • Resistance to change brings suffering
  • Avoidance is hiding in your shadow
  • Clarity awakens purpose
  • Happiness is a state of mind
  • Expectations hurt relationships
  • Life experiences are within your mind

Resistance is the source of suffering

Whilst we are in a state of resistance we become out of balance, once acceptance moves in balance can be restored. Suffering occurs when we feel some sort of pain, whether that be physical, emotional, or some other form of pain. Stress is something we've all experienced, in some cases, it’s a healthy form of stress but for the majority of people today, sadly that is not the case. Most people will say that it’s the circumstance of life that causes them stress and suffering which they are experiencing, but that isn't actually the case. It’s much more about how we are choosing to react to the circumstances around us. Simply said, all suffering comes when life shows up in the way that we did not expect or want because we actually had something else in mind or planned. Accepting what has happened and that it can't be changed is the quickest way to get out of suffering.

Avoidance is hiding in your shadow

Choosing to avoid or escape thoughts and feelings leads to increased anxiety, actually, the more we do it, the more harm we inflict upon ourselves than intended because what we end up typically experiencing is the very thing we're trying to avoid or escape in the first place. Expressing g emotions and thoughts is vital to our wellbeing. Emotions such as fear, anger, sadness are out internal alarm system, they are letting us know that we need to change something. They are to help us keep on track and remain balanced. Repressing emotions, are harmful and will make us sick. When we push emotions/thoughts away, they never go away, they just get bigger until we sit up and take notice. Let emotions such as fear, anger, sadness, disgust do what they are supposed to do. To alert us to the fact that if we continue as we are, it will take us off our good path and lead us down a negative path. The emotion itself is not negative, the message it holds is letting us know we will have a negative experience if we continue.

Clarity awakens purpose

Without clarity, we have no real sense of direction. We just do. When we have clarity, we know what is important to us, we find purpose. Purpose gives us a real sense of direction which empowers us to set goals to get us where we want to be.

We all are so much more than we allow ourselves to be, find your purpose and grow into the person you were born to be.

Happiness is a state of mind

We have many different states we move between during the course of a day. However, as creatures of habit, but we tend to remain in one state a so-called unresourceful (negative) state for far too long! We easily get caught up in our inner world, listening to the constant traffic of thoughts that are flying in and out. Giving our undivided attention for too long. It may appear like we don’t have control but we do, it’s just we are creatures of habit. There is a quote which really sums it up nicely.

Quote, We first make our habits, and then our habits make us. - John Dryden. To feel happy is a conscious choice we can decide to feel at any time, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. It takes practice though, it’s just like a muscle, the more you practice, the stronger the muscle becomes.

Expectations hurt relationships

This for me was a real awakening. We create only suffering for ourselves when we have expectations of how our partner, children, colleague, leader, etc. “should” show up for us. We think people should act exactly as we want them to. But we can’t control how someone else is going to behave under any given situation, so we are guaranteed to lose. We make huge assumptions. When someone does the unexpected and it disappoints us, it’s because we had a belief about what the other person was supposed to do. It becomes a cause and effect a vicious circle. We allow our feelings to get hurt and so we feel some form of pain and suffer.

Drop the expectations of others, let go of what you think THEY should or shouldn’t do. They, like you, are unique individuals, with their own unique map of reality. Find peace by letting go of what you think they should or shouldn’t do, and allow yourself to create your own happiness.

Life experiences are within your mind

Life doesn't happen to us, it happens for us. It's not the incident itself that is important, it is the meaning we choose to give the incident that matters. The meaning is given almost immediately and depending on what mood state we are in at that given moment, will greatly influence the meaning we will attach. Meaning directly impacts how we experience life.

It is not possible for an emotion to exist without reason. Our mind is continuously seeking to make sense to what is happening around and this happens so naturally that a lot of the time we are not really aware of what kind of meanings we giving. Once the meaning has been given, it produces an emotion. If the meaning is “you fail at everything”, our emotions will become sadness and despair. And it’s on this feeling, we react. We owe it ourselves to go back and find true meaning of “the negatives” that we have experienced.  Re-examining “old stories” creates space to re-shape a new meaning which is empowering.

I am passionate about inspiring leaders of change to rethink the best out of themselves and invite success in. Leaders for me can range from CEO to the MUM/DAD and everything in between. I am a life mindset coach for optimal wellbeing. I help clients bring their whole self to life by connecting the past, present and future dots. Get empowered to search new perspectives on their life and uncover the true meaning. Helping them be authentic leaders. Actually, my clients learn the tools and strategies which have helped me connect the dots and breathe fresh emotional well-being into my life.


And the best part? The heavy load I was carrying around with me the best part of my life is no longer weighing me down. I wake up every morning with gratitude for what I have in my life and optimism for what I still can discover.